By Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
October 31, 1999
It was death that sealed Gary and Alicia Moore’s relationship . . . and their fervor for life that strengthened their marriage.
“We knew each other through church,” says Alicia, 42. “When his brother died, I saw him sad for the first time. He was in a very vulnerable state and I offered my condolences.”
Adds Gary, 41, “Alicia was very supportive and a source of strength. I buried my brother, did the eulogy, oversaw the service. . . . It was a stressful time. He died in December and by the end of February, I approached her about building a relationship together. I was drawn to her.”
That was 16 years ago.
After years of running a small contracting business, Gary inhaled enough asbestos and toxins to put him out of work for four months. While recovering, he worried about how to pay his employees. His bills backed up.
“Without me ever really saying anything about my problems, Alicia approached me and said, `I heard about what happened to you and would like to assist you,’ ” Gary says. “She had some money saved up. She used that to pay my bills for me until I could get back on my feet. I thought this was an incredible gesture from a friend.”
Friend?
“I know,” says Gary, now an assistant director of career services at the University of Illinois at Chicago. “My father brought to my attention that Alicia and I were a little more than friends. He said, `I think you may want to look a little more seriously at this.’ My mother was also really fond of her. Alicia was the first woman she aggressively approved of. I began seeing her in another light than as a friend.”
After dating for a year, the couple married on June 16, 1984.
“I know it’s silly to admit this,” says Alicia, who works at a luxury apartment rental company. “But ever since I was a little girl, I wanted a husband who was left-handed and who had dimples. Those traits have nothing to do with character. They’re just idiosyncrasies, but Gary had both.”
It seemed like destiny. They had attended Lindbloom Technical High School on the southwest side, but they hadn’t known each other as students. Now as young adults in their middle 20s, they were both enrolled at Trinity College, living together as husband and wife.
Like many couples, they had their ups and downs. But the Moores let their little things build up without addressing them. It appeared that they were heading for divorce court.
But during a two-year separation, Gary and Alicia came to the realization that ending their marriage was not an option.
“I have come to acknowledge three principles which have helped to define our `new relationship,’ ” Gary says.
“First, we have to be willing to share that inner person we hide from the world. It took us 13 years to realize we were still wearing our masks. Secondly, we have come to accept each other for who we are and aren’t. We no longer sweat the small stuff. Last and most important, our faith in God defines our marriage and ourselves. Unconditional love is impossible without it.”
His wife adds, “I’m so thankful for our families and friends and all the support they gave to both of us throughout our marriage and separation.
“We never realized the impact of our decision on the lives of our family and friends until the separation. We heard from so many people who encouraged each of us during the most difficult moments of our marriage. They believed in us and our marriage even when we wanted to walk away.”
