By Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
December 22, 2000
The first time we got a look at Madonna in a wedding dress, she was writhing around onstage in a PG-13 performance of “Like a Virgin” at the 1984 MTV Music Awards. A year later, she donned a wedding gown for real when she married actor Sean Penn.
It sounds like the third wedding gown could be the most charming for the Material Mom, who will wear a one-of-a-kind, ecru-colored, embroidered satin dress with lace created by Stella McCartney–a haute couture designer for Chloe (and yes, daughter of Paul)–when she walks down the aisle today to marry Brit Guy Ritchie. The pop icon also will don the same Cartier tiara worn by Princess Grace at the 1976 wedding of her daughter, Caroline.
“When it comes to her music and her image, Madonna definitely likes to go for the shock value,” says Matthew Rettenmund, author of Encyclopedia Madonnica. “But she doesn’t mess around too much when it comes to matters of religion or marriage. She’s very traditional in that respect.”
Maybe. But she’s still a fashion icon who wore a black bowler hat at her first wedding and throws herself into her style of the moment wholeheartedly. She plans to forgo white pumps for diamond-studded cowboy boots this time around, playing off the cowboy theme running rampant in her video for “Music.”
While we’ll all see soon enough what she wears on her special day, let’s take a look at what could have been, had Madonna chosen to get married at different stages of her life.
BOY TOY: Madonna’s transformation from tarty wannabe to classy icon has been a work in progress. When she and Sean Penn wed, he was the one wearing Versace. But her own flea market approach to shabby chic had young girls teasing their hair, donning lace underwear as outerwear and wearing rubber bracelets like they were going out of style. Her ideal wedding “gown” in 1984 would’ve consisted of a white bustier, layers of tulle, white leggings with matching granny boots and, of course, her signature “Boy Toy” belt tying the ensemble together.
OPEN YOUR MIND:By the end of the 1980s, Madonna was working the revealing corset look designed by her costumer Marlene Stewart (who also created the gown that Madonna wore when she married Penn) for the “Open Your Heart” video. With her short blond hair and newly sculpted body, Madonna asserted her sexuality by wearing clothes that were less cutesy and more daring. Had she opted to marry one of her beaus back then, she would have looked splendid in one of Stewart’s corsets, complete with gold nipple tassels and a slinky, off-white satin skirt.
SEX SELLS: By 1992, Madonna was appearing nude in her coffee table book Sex and flaunting her smoky eyes, gold tooth and black nail polish. We doubt that even she would dare walk down the aisle completely nekkid, though. So she may have played up her bad girl image with a little S&M and a basic black wedding gown. Who needs a bouquet when a whip will do?
EASTERN MEDITATION: From the late 1990s on, Madonna’s affinity for everything European was showing up in the designers she chose (Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, Versace, etc.) to wear. Then she did a 180 as yoga replaced running as her primary form of exercise. She began wearing fashion inspired by the Far East, stuck a bindi on her forehead and had her hands and feet decorated with henna tattoos. A wedding at this juncture would’ve incorporated a Japanese-style kimono, long, straight black hair and kabuki makeup. Maybe a bra over her gown for old time’s sake. And she would’ve said, “I do,” in a quasi limey accent.
What do the colors mean?: Certain colors combined with the types of plaid relate to family names. Ritchie’s kilt will carry the ancient hunting pattern of his family’s MacIntosh clan.
What is the right length for a kilt?: Women’s hemlines may rise and fall at whim, but the kilt falls at about knee-length for the well-tailored Scotsman, according to the British Consulate.
Boxers or briefs?: Neither, if you’re a real Scotsman! The British Consulate says Scotsmen went into battle sans underwear to prove how tough they were, and tradition stands. If you still don’t believe us, the accompanying photo says it all.
WHEN: Today (There’s no hope of crashing–guard dogs patrol the perimeter and a no-fly zone likely will be invoked.)
WHAT: A traditional Scottish feast, including haggis, will be served; a local piper will play at the service, and a dance band known for its Highland fiddle music will perform
WHO: The guest A-list includes friend and designer Stella McCartney; Gwyneth Paltrow–rumored to be the maid of honor; Sting and his wife, Trudie Styler, who introduced the couple; actor Rupert Everett; Paltrow’s ex-fiance Brad Pitt, with his wife, Jennifer Aniston; Carlos Leon, father of Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes; Elton John, and Robin Williams.
