By Misha Davenport and Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
August 14, 2001
Do the stars line up for a summer romance? Or have you been stuck with a dud rather than a stud? Will your love stick around? Or will you need to change your name/phone number? We certainly don’t have the insight (or advertising budget) of TV’s Miss Cleo, but with only a little summer left, we’ll try our best to assess your sextrology. (Note: No astrologists were harmed in the making of this chart.)
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Your great summer love has the potential to turn into a fall stalker. Don’t hesitate to cast your net for the other fish in the sea.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Somebody in your life’s feeling neglected ’cause you’re too focused on business. Broaden your perspective and focus on your honey, rather than your money.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
With your recent mood changes, it’s no wonder no one wants to be around you, especially that special summer someone. There’s a fine line between bitchy and witty. Guess what? You’ve crossed it.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Lest you end up a guest on the “Jerry Springer Show,” keep a level head even during summer fireworks. The fall is ripe for fertility. And so are you, sweetie.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
In the immortal words of the Bangles, if she knew what she wanted, he’d be giving it to her. You’ve spent the summer being indecisive. It’s no wonder you’re unhappy. No points for dating the Doublemint Twins.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Your friends are tired of hearing about how perfect your love life is and how theirs isn’t. This summer your ego is bloating and your pals are sick of your gloating.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You’re not measuring up to your partner. Relationships are work. You’ve spent the summer on vacation. Would it hurt you to cuddle a little bit?
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
There’s one contestant in the blame game and it’s you. You’re unhappy about your current romantic situation and need to figure out things for yourself. If you must listen to friends, proceed with caution; they’re not always there for you.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Thinking about marriage? This may not be the best situation for you. You seem to be happy in your current situation. How bad do you need Crate & Barrel service for eight?
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You spent the summer indulging in the seven deadly sins. But that period of overindulgence is over. Love is not in the cards for the summer, but it could be in the near future if you mature a little. If you value your love life (and liver), clean up your act.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Step down off the cross, Joan. Someone else needs the wood. Quit pining for your ex. They’re not coming back.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Time to take your head out of the sand. Everything’s not perfect. Your ego is keeping you from obtaining everything you desire. Denial just ain’t a river in Egypt. Recognize things for what they’re worth.
