We’d know them anywhere

By Jae-Ha Kim
Chicago Sun-Times
April 26, 2004

 It’s a cold, cruel world out there when you’re not getting paid $1 million per episode anymore. As our favorite “Friends” prepare for their final episode this Thursday, we take a look back at some of the actors’ best — and worst — work away from Central Perk.

As with the women on “The Apprentice,” the ladies appear to have a better track record when it comes to box office and/or critical hits. “Leprechaun” may have been bad, but at least Jennifer Aniston had the good sense not to repeat that mistake when she had a little money in her pocket. (Are you listening, Matt LeBlanc?)

COURTENEY COX

“Scream,” “Scream 2,” “Scream 3” (1996 to 2000): As pushy, hard-nosed, egocentric tabloid TV reporter Gale Weathers, Cox was a hoot in the “Scream” trilogy. She was bossy in a kick-ass way that puts Monica’s whining to shame. Best scene: when she picks up a gun and starts shooting. ****

“Roxanne: The Prize Pulitzer” (1989): We know, this is a made-for-TV movie. But she was so deliciously bitchy as Jacquie Kimberly that we’d be remiss if we neglected this classic. Jacquie’s affair with Herbert Pulitzer (played by Perry King) set the precedent for Monica’s May-December romance with Richard (Tom Selleck). **1/2

“Masters of the Universe” (1987): Three years after being plucked from the audience to dance with Bruce Springsteen in his video for “Dancing in the Dark,” a very young Cox starred opposite Dolph Lundgren in this comic book come to life. Her job basically consisted of being spunky, looking terrified and being light enough for Lundgren to carry. It wasn’t a great film, but she gets a bonus point for serving me coffee when I was visiting on the set. *

Her likely post-“Friends” competition for roles: Lea Thompson, Brooke Shields and that perky “Trading Spaces” hostess Paige Davis. (Cox is quite the home renovator.)

JENNIFER ANISTON“The Good Girl” (2002): Aniston was totally miscast as Mark Wahlberg’s girlfriend in 2001’s “Rock Star,” but as a lonely married discount store clerk who has an affair with a much younger colleague, she proved she was more than just a good haircut and fashion plate. Aniston won rave reviews for her portrayal of Justine Last, and the role proved that moviegoers can see her as someone other than Rachel. ****

“Picture Perfect” and “The Object of My Affection” (1997-’98): Honestly, I don’t remember the difference between these two films but I do remember them being cute and Aniston being very likable. By this time, she had her cute and frenzied girl act down pat. **

“Leprechaun” (1993): Before she became Rachel, Aniston was one of the twittery screaming teens in this so-bad-it’s-still-not-good horror film. The hair, the style, the acting — it was so not Aniston at her best. *

Likely post-“Friends” competition: Reese Witherspoon and the Breck Girl.

LISA KUDROW“The Opposite of Sex” (1998): As the no-nonsense Lucia, Kudrow played a woman who would have no time for Phoebe’s new age-y nonsense. When she sees her brother being taken advantage of, she does what she can to solve the problem but has to watch as he self-destructs. Kudrow doesn’t have the cachet of Aniston or Cox, but she’s definitely got the acting chops. ****

“Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion” (1997): If there was ever a movie begging for a sequel, it’s this. Kudrow’s Michele to Mira Sorvino’s Romy was pure yin and yang. The ditsy duo arguing over who was the Rhoda Morgenstern to the other’s Mary Richards was priceless. The role was a stretch from Phoebe, but it sure was fun. ***

“Marci X” (2003): There’s a small chance this script looked good on paper, but it stunk to high heaven by the time it hit the big screen. Kudrow plays Marci, the spoiled daughter of a record label titan. When her father becomes ill, she decides not only to run the company, but also to return it to the top of the playing field. Kudrow’s forced love scenes with the usually appealing Damon Wayans didn’t help the film any. *

Likely post-“Friends” competition: Teri Garr, Nia Vardalos and Sorvino.

MATTHEW PERRY“The Whole Nine Yards” and “The Whole 10 Yards” (2000, ’04): The “Friends” star has better chemistry with Bruce Willis than Salma Hayek and Elizabeth Hurley (see below). Though his film parts tend to pay homage to Chandler, Perry definitely has a nice light touch with comedic roles. ***

“Fools Rush In” (1997): Salma Hayek is too much woman for Perry, who does what he can to look stunned and endearing. His character gets hers pregnant after a one-night stand in Las Vegas, and he does the right thing by marrying her. Now, that would be a good ending to the “Friends” finale. **

“Serving Sara” (2002): This sad excuse for a comedy wasn’t as good as even the worst episode of “Friends.” Perry plays a process server whose job is to serve Sara (Elizabeth Hurley) with divorce papers. She makes him an offer he can’t refuse and the rest is mayhem of the ho-hum kind. Even his guest spots on “Growing Pains” were better than this. *

Likely post-“Friends” competition: Jon Cypher, Craig Bierko and Adam Goldberg.

DAVID SCHWIMMER“The Pallbearer” (1996): Schwimmer walks the fine line between comedy and drama, playing a young man who is flustered when he is asked to give the eulogy for an old high school classmate he barely remembers. Soon, he falls for the dead guy’s girlfriend (Gwyneth Paltrow). ***

“Six Days Seven Nights” (1998): We don’t buy for a moment that there’s any heat between Anne Heche and Harrison Ford. With his hangdog expressions and oh-so-perfect timing, Schwimmer is the movie’s saving grace. **1/2

“Breast Men” (1997): As Phoebe once said in horror, “My eyes! My eyes!” Schwimmer basically plays a boob who’s obsessed with boobs. Playing a smarmy plastic surgeon who develops breast implants, Schwimmer brings out his inner perv. It just makes us want him to go back to playing with dinosaurs. *

Likely post-“Friends” competition: Alan Alda, Noah Wyle.

MATT LEBLANC“Charlie’s Angels” and “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” (2000, ’03): Is it a coincidence that LeBlanc’s best film roles so far have been abbreviated and glorified cameos? He’s definitely likeable and not exactly hard to look at, but a little goes a long way. As Jason, the self-absorbed boyfriend of the Angel played by Lucy Liu, he was right on. ***

“Lost in Space” (1998): The original TV series was so campy and cheesy, it was actually kinda good. This film version takes itself so seriously, it’s not so good. As fighter pilot Don West, LeBlanc would’ve made more of an impact if he had thrown in a little of Joey’s spontaneity. *1/2

“Ed” (1996): The only explanation for LeBlanc’s agreeing to do this film was that he was hungry. (He signed the contract to do this film long before “Friends” made him a star.) Though his simian co-star has more personality than the feces-throwing Marcel on “Friends,” the film is a stinker any way you look at it. *

Likely post-“Friends” competition: Ted McGinley and Lyle Waggoner.