That time I got punched at a little kid’s birthday party … by an adult

By Jae-Ha Kim
jaehakim.com
February 28, 2013

Today, at the post office, my son held the door open for an elderly woman. Because he’s still little and the door was big and heavy, #SonOfJae had to use the full weight of his body to make sure the door didn’t shut on her. But he did it. And the lady was delighted. As she patted my four-year old child on the head and thanked him, she said to me, “Most men don’t do this anymore. You’re raising your boy to be a gentleman.”

Full disclosure: Bear in mind that this is the same kid who pushed a friend off a playset, completely oblivious to the fact that the fall might hurt her. Granted, they were both in the throes of the Terrible Twos. But this was not the type of behavior his father and I had encouraged.

One of the things we’ve been working on is not hitting (or hitting back). I realize that at some point in his life, he may need to defend himself. But on playdates with other preschoolers? No. And he’s being taught now that he is never to hit girls. Because he’s four and is at an age where he thinks I know everything, he hasn’t asked, “How come?”

I was actually surprised when a couple friends asked me about it, though, adding that “they’re just children.”

I know that. And I understand that they’re all basically the same size now. If anything, some of his female friends are not only older, but also bigger and more wily than he is. But, when they become tweens or teenagers, that won’t be the case (in size, anyhow).

Not too long ago, I accompanied Kyle to one of his friend’s parties. The birthday boy’s extended family was there and, as you do at these things, I made small talk with them. The boy’s aunt and uncle were there as well, and I asked the man if he was the elder or younger of the two.

To cut to the chase, he ended up punching me in the back as I went to talk to someone else. Yes, he was that offended that I didn’t immediately recognize that he was the younger of the two. So, he did what any abnormal man would do and he hit me. Yes, it stung a bit, but I wasn’t seriously hurt.

But. Who in the hell does that?

Oh yeah. This guy. And while most of his family saw this happen, not one of them thought that it was unusual for him to “playfully” hit a guest … an older, female guest, no less … at his nephew’s party. They just sort of laughed it off. I remember being startled and confused. And then I started making excuses for him: Maybe I was being rude by asking who was older? He didn’t mean to hurt me, right? He did it as a joke?

And then it hit me. Who cares what his intent was? The result was that he hit me. And that is not OK.

This is why I drill into my son’s head that slapping your friends around isn’t fun for the kid getting hit. And that it’s never OK to hit girls.