“Because This Is My First Life” (이번 생은 처음이라)

By Jae-Ha Kim
Substack
October 25, 2018

☆☆☆½
Nam Se-Hee (played by Lee Min-Ki)
Yoon Ji-Ho (played by Jung So-Min)
↑Note: Korean names denote the surname followed by the given name.

“Because This Is My First Life” is a bittersweet series about two broken people who decide to cohabitate for financial reasons. It is also a story that is heartwarming, funny and romantic.

The melancholy start to this Korean drama gave me the same feels as “Pretty Noona Who Buys Me Food” (in a good way).

All that sounds kind of melancholy and unromantic, right? But the drama is so well done that the viewer will fall in love with the characters before they realize they are in love with each other.

I feel zero remorse giving away that tidbit, because anyone who has seen a K-Drama knows before ever starting the first episode that this is where the couple is headed. But there are still plenty of surprises ahead that (for the most part) are handled well: a miscarriage, an attempted rape, sexual harassment, sexism, stalking, #MeToo.

Ji-Ho is the oldest child in a patriarchal household, where her brother is coddled and adored — to the point that after he marries his pregnant girlfriend, he gets the house that Ji-Ho has made all the payments on. (By the way, this isn’t the couple that will lose their baby.)

A graduate of the prestigious Seoul National University, Ji-Ho dreams of becoming the main writer for Korean dramas. But her writing career has stalled, with her job consisting mainly of inserting product placements in the work written by more established storytellers. (I enjoyed this meta moment very much, since I talk often about the obnoxious product placements for fastfood joints like Subway.)

Se-Hee is a sullen man who reminds me of Sheldon (from “The Big Bang Theory”). He is whipsmart and socially inept. At the beginning of the series, he’s a big weirdo, whose compassion is overshadowed by his compulsion to have things done precisely without deviation. He is robotic in his speech pattern and dead in the eyes.

His boss and best friend tells him:

One of the finer moments of this drama was watching him loosen up and turn into a more stereotypical leading man (in terms of looks). As one of the viewers commented on Viki.com:

Because he overthinks everything he does, I found it difficult to believe that he would knowingly purchase a house that he couldn’t afford without renting out a room. But I digress.

Ji-Ho and Se-Hee end up being platonic roommates, sharing the bills and the most ridiculously beautiful cat I have ever seen. Her name is 고양이 (which literally means cat in Korean).

Se-Hee falls in love with Ji-Ho’s tidiness and love for 고양이 and doesn’t want to lose her as a roommate. But he also worries that his parents won’t approve of his having a female roommate. That coupled with his mother’s insistence that he get married compels him to propose a marriage of convenience to Ji-Ho.

While I would never encourage people to enter into loveless marriages, there is something to be said for choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone you like — even you don’t love them. Without strong compatibility, that burning love (or infatuation) you may feel during the early years of a relationship may extinguish quickly.

Their parents are unaware that their marriage is a business arrangement. At the first meeting between both sets of parents, Ji-Ho’s mother can see that Se-Hee’s parents believe Ji-Ho is lucky to marry into their family. Worried that her daughter will be mistreated because she doesn’t come from a good (i.e. rich) family, she bitterly voices her concerns.

And when it comes time to hold the annual 제사 (ancestral memorial), her mother is proven correct. Se-Hee has already said he won’t attend and tells Ji-Ho not to go. But guilted into it by his mom, she goes and is immediately put to work doing everything, while all her in laws sit around and relax.

On a related note, mothers in Korea never want their daughters to marry the oldest (or only) son, because he — and therefore his wife — have so many responsibilities to his parents. Back in the day, the daughter in law was treated as the de facto servant, who was expected to do everything her husband’s parents asked of her. Also back in the day, the eldest son inherited everything, so this was a burden they put up with, knowing there would be a payoff for their suffering. But nowadays, more elderly Koreans are splitting their assets more equitably between their children.

Whether Ji-Ho and Se-Hee remain married is irrelevant. What is real is that the feelings they have — or don’t have — for one another aren’t dependent on what a piece of legal document says.

Interspersed with the storyline between the main pair are two separate arcs involving Ji-Ho’s best friends. Soo-Ji is a mid-level manager at her company — one of the few women in power. Ostracized and sexually harassed by her fratboy-like male colleagues, she withholds her anger, because she doesn’t want to be viewed as an emotional woman. Meanwhile, their friend, Ho-Rang, is ridiculed for having a dream not considered worthwhile to many: that of being a wife and mother. She and her long-time boyfriend find themselves questioning whether they are right for each other. And while some of their interactions were immature, theirs was also the most realistic relationship — one that proved that loving someone isn’t enough to sustain a romance.

Airdates: Sixteen hour-long episodes aired on tvN from October 9 to November 28, 2017.

Spoiler Alert:

Se-Hee had one serious relationship prior to meeting Ji-Ho. After he got his girlfriend, Ko Jung-Min, pregnant, he wanted to marry her. His parents forbid it and kicked him out of the house. He brought shame to their family, they said, not just because she was pregnant out of wedlock, but because she came from a poor family. Would he be willing to take care of her family? His answer didn’t matter, because they didn’t want him to bear those responsibilities. After she miscarries their baby, she leaves him, telling him to never be happy. Feeling immense guilt about how her life has been affected — he knows that a poor girl who has gotten pregnant before marriage will suffer much more than a boy whose family is relatively well off — he listens to her. Presumably, he hasn’t allowed himself to fall in love again, until he met Ji-Ho.

Ji-Ho’s colleague attempts to rape her. When her employers tell her to forgive him and move on — for the sake of their work family — she quits her job. It was so frustrating to watch her give up her dreams, because she didn’t know how to fight. But the maddening thing is that had she reported him to the police, she (like Jung-Min) would’ve been the one to suffer. It would be a case of he said/she said. And the rumors would’ve labeled her as the slut and him as the poor guy who was misunderstood.

I loved the happily-ever-after end to this series, which showed Ji-Ho as the creator of her own K-Drama and married to Se-Hee; and both her friends coupled up with their partners as well. Ho-Rang and her husband even had an adorable baby.

Cameos:

Both leads make delightful cameo appearances as Mi-So’s parents (in flashbacks) in “What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim.”

🇰🇷📺#BecauseThisIsMyFirstLife tackles patriarchy, rape culture, stalking & romance. #LeeMinKi & #JungSoMin are spot on as a couple that marries for convenience, rather than love. Also, it stars the most beautiful 고양이 ever.😺My review⏯️https://t.co/w5B3s0Ie2D #이번생은처음이라 pic.twitter.com/rHYBWB4gZc

— Jae-Ha Kim 김재하 (@GoAwayWithJae) October 25, 2018

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