“It’s Okay, That’s Love” (괜찮아, 사랑이야)

By Jae-Ha Kim
jaehakim.com
October 29, 2018

☆☆☆☆
Jang Jae-Yeol (played by Jo In-Sung)
Ji Hae-Soo (played by Gong Hyo-Jin)
Han Kang-Woo (played by Do Kyung-Soo)
↑Note: Korean names denote the surname followed by the given name.

“It’s Okay, That’s Love” is sold as a wacky K-Drama about a psychiatrist and a playboy celebrity author. And the first couple episodes did little to disprove that storyline. But as it progressed, the series laid out the plot in a beautiful, languid way that was full of love and heartbreak, before culminating in the kind of glorious truth that is both liberating, bittersweet and intoxicating.

I watched the final episode late last night — just four days after I started this 16-part series — and I needed some time to compose myself afterwards. There is still a gentle ache in my heart, because that’s how much these characters meant to me. I had a vested interest in needing to know that everyone would be okay.

“괜찮아, 사랑이야” is one of those rare series that gets stronger with each episode. It’s funny, romantic and sexy, but it also takes a serious look at how childhood traumas shape the adults we become. And if a filmmaker wanted to tackle this project and turn it into a 2-hour film — with the exact same cast — it could be a contender to win awards at Sundance and Cannes.

Hae-Soo (Gong Hyo-Jin) is a psychiatrist, who became a doctor against all odds. Her disabled father can’t work and because her mom couldn’t make ends meet, she relied on a rich man’s benevolence to help send her daughters to school — a fact that Hae-Soo uses against her. Witnessing her mother’s relationship with another man also instilled in her a phobia so strong that Hae-Soo is unable to have sex with a man.

Jae-Yeol (Jo In-Sung) is a bestselling author whose fame has reached rock star status. He is incredibly wealthy, can date any woman he wants and acknowledges that he’s OCD. He has an older brother serving time in prison for killing the stepfather who abused both of them and their mother. His brother insists he has been wrongfully convicted. When he’s released from prison, he beats and stabs Jae-Yeol, who refuses to defend himself.

Then there’s Kang-Woo (Do Kyung-Soo), a high school student who dreams of becoming a writer. The boy idolizes Jae-Yeol. And despite showing up with visible bruises on his face, he exhibits youthful optimism that Jae-Yeol finds encouraging. The author checks in on the boy often, but doesn’t do much to stop the beatings Kang-Woo (and his mother) receive at home.

As Hae-Soo points out, that’s another family’s business. Why get involved?

That was disheartening to hear. Before I could get too judgmental, I thought about how some of us may have suspected that people in our extended circles were being abused. But how many of us reported them to the police? And, if we had, what would have been done about it that would’ve changed the victims’ lives? Battered children are helpless to survive alone. And battered women (and men) often stay in relationships not because they want to, but because they don’t have the means to leave.

Mental health isn’t taken seriously enough in general. It’s not like a fractured bone that can be put in a cast and healed. You can’t see a broken heart or a tortured mind. What I really admired about “It’s Okay, That’s Love” is that it didn’t treat mental illness as a freak show, but rather as a part of life that can be treated, it not cured.

One of the main characters is diagnosed with schizophrenia, which the Mayo Clinic describes as a “serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally (and) may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling.”

There are a few K-Drama tropes I could’ve done without — such as the flash forward finale — and there is a lot going on in this series. But I promise you that it does end with a happily ever after. That light touch was well thought out, so that viewers will be left remembering not only the overwhelming distress the characters went through, but also the promise of what the future can be.

The acting all around is superb. As expected, Gong Hyo-Jin can take any role and make it her own. But it was the two men — Jo In-Sung and Do Kyung-Soo (aka EXO’s D.O.) who repeatedly broke my heart with their powerful performances.

Airdates: Sixteen hour-long episodes aired on SBS from July 23 to September 11, 2014.

Spoiler Alert:

I have a lot of spoilers here. So if you haven’t seen this series yet and plan to, don’t read the following until after you’ve done so. (And then please come back and share your thoughts! Readers often see things I didn’t or interpret scenes in a different manner — and it all makes for a great conversation.)

I remember a trip to South Korea in 2014. We took #SonOfJae to Herb Hills in Daegu and came across the outdoors restroom where Jo In-Sung and Gong Hyo-Jin filmed. It was part of the set (and not a functioning toilet) that they left as a tourist attraction. The series had just finished airing when we visited and I thought, “Cool.” And then I promptly forgot about it. But once it popped up in Episode 5, I recognized everything right away.

Later on, we see that Jae-Yeol’s need for cleanliness stems back to his childhood. Running away from his stepfather, he hid in the outhouse when he saw an unsettling sight. His mother was cowering in the shaft, covered in excrement. He jumped in to be with her. He grew up to equate the bathroom to a safe haven. As an adult, he slept in his bathtub. It’s not presented as a “crazy” quirk, but rather as the result of the childhood agony he endured.

Viewers will figure out as the series progresses that Kang-Woo is a figment of Jae-Yeol’s imagination. He’s a coping mechanism Jae-Yeol has created to deal with the guilt he feels over his brother’s imprisonment. Though he and his brother tried to defend themselves from their stepfather, neither of them were responsible for his death. As the man tried to beat his wife, she broke free and set the house on fire, leaving him there to die. Jae-Beom didn’t see this, because he was carrying his little brother on his back to the hospital. But Jae-Yeol saw it all. And torn between choosing who to say committed the murder, he let his brother take the fall.

Jae-Yeol was just 15. And as Dong-Min (played by Sung Dong-Il) — Hae-Soo’s mentor — tells him, he needs to learn to forgive that child, because he did the best that he could with what he knew. (Please note that in the screencap below, the series is referring to Jae-Yeol’s Korean age.)

Jae-Beom is furious at his brother, because Jae-Yeol didn’t trust him enough to tell him what he witnessed. He asks if Jae-Yeol actually thought that he would turn their mother in. Jae-Beom’s hurt stems from knowing that he didn’t do the crime, but having his family turn their backs on him. (As for their mother, she was so traumatized from abuse that she disassociated herself from the crime and couldn’t remember what had happened. Neither brother tells her, because they don’t want her to live her life with that guilt.)

Hae-Soo tells Jae-Yeol that he has to let go of Kang-Woo before he can get better. And this is the scene that absolutely gutted me. Family of the Year’s haunting song, “Hero,” plays throughout the series. (Give the song a listen.)

The song sets the tone perfectly for the following vignette. When Jae-Yeol comes to terms with his past, he realizes that Kang-Woo is him as a child. The imagery of Kang-Woo running away from his father and 15-year-old Jae-Yeol running away from his stepfather…and then merging into one person…gave me chills.

Pregnancy:

At the end of the series, we see wedding photos on their wall. Jae-Yeol and Hae-Soo are happily married. And now, Hae-Soo’s pregnant. I wasn’t completely comfortable with how the characters reacted. Jae-Yeol was giddy and ecstatic, but it was difficult to read Hae-Soo’s expression. Just as she had been ambivalent about having children, she was always determined to reach the top of her profession. She had goals. And being pregnant — even with a rich, doting husband — would stall her career plans. She points out to him that she got pregnant on the day he didn’t have a condom, but insisted on having sex. Becoming a parent is a wonderful and beautiful miracle that doesn’t happen for everyone who wants it. But with that being said, people who aren’t sure they want to become parents shouldn’t be cajoled or tricked into having children.

Underage dating:

There has been a K-Drama trend of pairing up high school girls with men in their 20s. Here, Soo-Kwang (played by Lee Kwang-Soo) rekindles a romance with a high school senior (who celebrates her 18th birthday near the end of the series. Lee Sung-Kyung portrays the teen. Yes, he has Tourette Syndrome, but that doesn’t make him any less of a full-grown man, who is dating a teenager. It’s gross.

D.O. is breaking my heart in “It’s Okay, That’s Love.” 😢

He is so good in this #KDrama, portraying a sweet high school student (and more than holding his own against Jo In-Sung and Gong Hyo-Jin). pic.twitter.com/4IJNRs6wEa

— Jae-Ha Kim 김재하 (@GoAwayWithJae) October 26, 2018

© 2018 JAE-HA KIM | All Rights Reserved