“My Love, Don’t Cross That River” (님아, 그 강을 건너지 마오)

By Jae-Ha Kim
Substack
October 9, 2018

☆☆☆☆
Jo Byeong-Man
Kang Kye-Yeol
↑Note: Korean names denote the surname followed by the given name.

“My Love, Don’t Cross That River” is a love story that shows there is beauty to be found in everyday life, even with death looming.

A languid documentary about an elderly couple that has been married for more than 70 years, the 86-minute film — which is both tranquil and heartbreaking — is deftly directed by Jin Mo-Young.

Jo is 98 and Kang– who was his child bride — is 89.

They laugh, argue and flirt with each other; and when they fall asleep, they still hold each other’s hands.

Jin spent 15 months in 2012-2013 filming the pair as they went about their everyday lives.

But the film starts and ends with mourning. And because we see Kang softly sobbing, we know within the first minute of the film that her husband has died.

As I listened to her gut-wrenching cries, I had a morbid thought: Did Jin stay with them for so long because he was waiting for death to fall upon one of them? That’s not something I can answer.

This documentary moves at a measured pace, to parallel the couple’s movements. Some of the scenes are so lush and gorgeous they look like they could be clips from a Korea Tourism commercial. I agree with some critics that the colorful, matching hanboks look like they were chosen specifically because they appear so vibrant on camera. But, I didn’t care.

Viewers witness other aspects of life that are raw and familiar in their everyday intensity. At Kang’s birthday party, their six adult children (and their kids) gather together to celebrate. After a long day of cooking and cleaning up afterwards, one of the children says they should just go out to eat next time. This comment turns into a heated verbal fight, as two of the siblings bitterly argue about who has sacrificed more for their parents. Jo and Kang look on helplessly. I imagine they felt sadness and guilt that their survival meant that their children had to adjust their lives to help them.

It’s an untold truth that assisting elderly parents is difficult, no matter how much you love them. As independent as Jo and Kang are, there are some things they cannot manage alone — mundane things like hanging a heavy mirror on a wall; and important things, like getting to the hospital for emergencies.

Some of the most poignant moments are the quiet ones, as they talk about their history together. Kang was just 14 when Jo, who had been orphaned, came to work for her family. They married (her youthful age was not uncommon during that era), but he wouldn’t initiate intimacy with her, she said. He waited for her to literally grow up. After three or four years, it was she who let him know she was ready to live as husband and wife. She says she was always thankful to him for giving her the gift of time. She would give birth to 12 children, but six would die from diseases such as measles.

As she buys six children’s 내복 (pajamas), she tells the saleswoman to make sure they’re roomy. They are for her deceased children to wear. When she or her husband dies, these clothes will be burned (along with the deceased’s) and that soul will “take” the children’s clothing with them so the babies can stay warm. Her voice breaks when she says she wishes she could’ve given them these lovely clothes when they were still alive.

My heart broke then and there.

But the memory of that scene added some comfort when Jo died. In my head, I knew differently. But in my heart, I felt a sense of peace that Jo would be reunited with their babies. In death, the children would finally get to wear the cozy clothes their mother had always wanted them to have.

Original release date: The 85-minute film was released theatrically in South Korea on November 27, 2014.

© 2018 JAE-HA KIM | All Rights Reserved