By Jae-Ha Kim
jaehakim.com
November 5, 2011
I never met Aaron Hawkins, but I knew that he occasionally mentioned me on his blog, Uppity-Negro.com. Hawkins was one of the first African-American bloggers. He was smart, thought-provoking and funny — and I used to pop over to his blog every so often to see what he was up to. Once, the fansite title on his blog was my name. Granted, this was during a period when he was doing this to be cheeky more than anything else. But it was still a nice gesture.
One day, I saw a post written by his sister. Hawkins had died on Sept. 3, 2004. His family decided to keep his blog going to honor him.
This is one of the posts he had written. And I’ve got to tell you, it touched my heart.
Thank you, Aaron. May you rest in peace.
Posted by Aaron at October 11, 2002 09:03 AM
Suppose I could post-date this, so it stays on top of the page until I change the site name again.
Nah, that’s crazy talk.
Jae-Ha Kim is a reporter for the Chicago Sun-Times. A New York Times bestselling author, her books include Best of Friends. Kim’s magazine credits include Entertainment Weekly, People and Rolling Stone. She received her B.A. from the University of Chicago and her M.S. from Northwestern University. Kim may be seen in the indie film Under the Bus.
I like her despite the University of Chicago and Northwestern stuff. Never met the woman, so I’m not sure if she’s one of those Medill people. You can always spot them. It’s wearing the diploma everywhere as a necklace gives it away. That, and how they casually drop it into conversations. You know, stuff like, “Oh, you twisted your ankle? That happened to me once, walking around Medill,” or “Your younger brother got sent to Afghanistan? Wow, that’s a long way from Medill,” or “Oh no, an alien armada is decimating the Earth! I hope they don’t destroy my alma mater, Medill.”
Like I said, casual. Just so people don’t mistake them for one of those non-Medill-attending peons, who didn’t attend Medill.
Not sure what her book is about. I guess there was some tv show called Friends or something?
Her columns, on the other hand:
I knew I had made the right decision. Sometimes you’ve just got to dump your friends. It’s like spring cleaning for the soul.Dumping your friends is different from losing touch. The latter is passive action that happens because one of you moves away, or he gets married, or she has a baby and is too busy to listen to you harp about a Kate Spade handbag that you absolutely have to have. Eventually, you run into each other again, exchange new numbers and addresses and make an effort to renew your friendship.
Breaking up with a friend is a pro-active decision. When you break up, you have no intention of reuniting again. It takes guts, because sometimes they’ll confront you. And then you have to be prepared to say four of the most difficult words in the English language: “I don’t like you.” Make that five. “Anymore.”
Then, too, you have to be prepared to not hear their voices anymore, annoying though they may have become.
The breakup with my friends last year didn’t come as a surprise to any of us. But it still wasn’t easy. One had been a pal of mine since college. We still have many mutual buddies. The other was a friend of hers. Over time, I realized that they enjoyed hanging together more than they did with me. And, to my surprise, I found that I enjoyed being alone or with my other friends more than I did with them.
Her columns, like the just-quoted Dumping Friends, are quite good.
She also does film and concert reviews, celebrity interviews, writes about television shows I’ve actually sat through episodes of. . . basically, Jae-Ha Kim is livin’ on phat beach. It’s her world, the rest of us just live here.
Medill graduates usually do quite well for themselves, so this isn’t particularly surprising.
I have no ulterior motives in this, by the way.
There’s safety in numbers. That’s the only explanation I can come up with as to why a stadium full of 95 percent men would work itself up into a collective dither, trying to get the few women in the venue to expose their breasts. Hey – ever hear of Playboy?
If any one of these lumbering morons was at a beach, or even a bar, there’s no way he would walk up to a girl and scream, “Show your – – – -!” at her.
But it’s become a recurring cry at rock concerts, particularly at those such as heavy metal shows that attract mostly young men.
At Metallica’s recent Rosemont Horizon gig, the predominantly male crowd created its own entertainment prior to the band’s entrance by screaming that mantra at an uncomfortably rabid frequency to the few women in the audience. (The person working the lights abetted them by projecting the spotlight on various women.)
The scenario wasn’t cute or funny. It was obnoxious and, from a woman’s point of view, frightening.
“Boys will be boys,” a guy sitting behind me shrugged off.
Yeah, well it’s about time they grew up to be men.
I just really like her writing, like the piece about Stupid music fans. Sometimes there are lessons which apply to other realms as well.
© 2011 Jae-Ha Kim | All Rights Reserved
